Like a Fish Swimming Sideways

photo by KRSE

It's never a good thing when days start to melt together. It means you're either waiting for something that's coming in the future, or you have nothing to look forward to in the future. Either way, the now has become irrelevant.

I haven't figured out yet the cause of my melting days. I can look ahead and see a lot of great things being prepared. It's exciting to see what's in store. I finally have jobs that are fulfilling and enjoyable and I am energized by the the road ahead. Not to mention summer is finally here, kickball season is in full swing, camping trips are planned, shorts are being worn. These are fun things to be excited about, though the dismal skies outside make them seem pretty far off.

But a silver lining means there's a cloud. And this one happens to be a pretty nasty storm cloud. So maybe the fact that things are looking up for the future is negated by the fact that things are looking down today. So which is more important? Where do I draw my focus? Do I forgo the troubles of the present and seek joy in the plans of the future? Do I stop the silly daydreaming and "live in the now", regardless of how painful it is?

Unfortunately, I'm not a fish.

A fish could just swim sideways, one eye pointed up to see the what lies above, and one eye pointed down to see the dirt and grime below. A fish could live in both worlds, contentedly swimming along. At least, that's my theory. I'm no ichthiologist.

But I'm not a fish. Which means my eyes stare in one direction mostly. Even crossing my eyes hurts. So it becomes one or the other. Do I have the strength to keep my gaze in the present when it is storm clouds and grey skies? Do I have the hope to pull my gaze to the horizon where there are kickballs and passionate rainbows?

Or do I have the faith to see joy in the midst of the storm?