Accident Waiting to Happen

Let me set the scene.


I'm stopped at a stoplight in South Minneapolis and my ever-present curiosity and Sherlock Holmes like observational skills notice some odd things about this particular corner. The most obvious to me at the start was the police car parked at the convenience store to my right in the process of arresting a rather exuberant felon. While this is not an uncommon sight around this neighborhood it is still unique enough to warrant my noticing. The second thing I noticed was that the traffic flowing opposite me had stopped and was backed up quite a ways.


A big white mini-van had been forced to stop in this traffic debacle in the middle of the intersection as the light turned red. Noticing that cars are now barreling towards him, the driver of this vehicle decides he should probably back up a tad, since going forward was not an option. So he pops into reverse and coasts his big ass van backwards.


Now is when the capital scene begins to unfold. A moderately hygienic girl is crossing the street on the crosswalk, her attention clearly focused on the police and their accosting of the ne'er do well taking place behind her. Little does she suspect that in a scant few feet she will be walking into the path of a large vehicle that is backing up in its clandestine way out of the intersection.


What happened next took only a matter of seconds, but I had the great dispensation to watch it play out in slow motion. As I come to the realization that the innocent girl is about to be "run over" by the truck I did what any of us would do. I leaned forward. Why you ask? To watch. And before you criticize me for not trying to help or interject into the scene let me say this. You would've done the same.


You know how when you're driving alone after dark up on a small road and suddenly a deer jumps out of the ditch in front of your car? What do you do? Well the first thing that happens is you yell "DEER!" Or at least that's what I do. Same thing. I'm merely acknowledging the situation and impending circumstances.


So truck backing, girl walking, me leaning.


The girl proceeds to faceplant into the side of the van, nose first. After ramming the van at full walking speed she staggers backward, shaking her head in that cartoony sort of way in disbelief. The van driver upon hearing a large moving object hit him, stops abruptly and looks in his rear view mirror (something he hadn't been doing up to that point, even though he was driving backwards). He sees the girl staggering around, and in an act of humane servitude, busts out laughing at her.


Meanwhile, the scofflaw being arrested is jumping up and down yelling "that dude just hit that girl! That dude just hit that girl!"


The girl, after "shaking out the cobwebs" continued on her way, the light turned green and the guy drove off and the police didn't believe their prisoner in the slightest. All became right with the world once again, and I smiled and laughed to myself for the rest of the morning.